Candid Monologue

I tried not to.
I don't want to.
But I just do!

I dont know why
I dont know when
But i know that I did then,
And I do now

Everytime you laugh
Everytime we talk
Everytime I see you

I try not to
I dont want to
But I just do

Like never before
Like always
Like ever after.

While holding your hand
While aimlessly staring at you
While thoughtlessly thinking about you

I try not to
I dont want to
But I just do

While looking in your eyes
While listening to your expressions
While reading the untyped texts

After your lies
In your cover-up trials
With your messed up excuses

I try;
Try really hard not to
Because honestly, i dont want to
But I do